'Bet it smell crazy in there': White House's sauerkraut fad triggers revulsion

A fermented food fad is permeating the White House, with some of President Donald Trump's top officials touting its health properties, but onlookers held their noses in disgust.

Health Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr., Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, Transportation Secretary Sean Duffy and Vice President JD Vance have all jumped on board the sauerkraut train, reported the Wall Street Journal, which noted they had weighed the resulting sulfurous odors as worth the risk.

The 72-year-old Kennedy was the first to convert to the diet touted by Dr. Sean O’Mara, who urges high-profile patients to eat fermented cabbage and other pickles, along with grass-fed beef, and abstain from alcohol and sugary food to reduce visceral fat and boost their gut microbiome.

Lutnick, 64, and Duffy, 54, have since joined Kennedy, and the 41-year-old Vance took up the diet during Lent and has continued with it.

All of them have commented on the health benefits, including weight loss and glowing skin, but they haven't mentioned the flatulence that's a common reaction to eating sauerkraut, which is high in fiber and is loaded with live probiotics that can produce temporary gas.

"I bet it smell crazy in there," grimaced New York Times columnist Jamelle Bouie.

"Oh they do *not* get to ruin sauerkraut for me," groaned science writer Matthew R. Francis.

"Miso, tempeh, blue cheese, fish sauce, gochujang, vinegar, yogurt, kimchi, dosa, Pimenta Moida - fermented foods are great, and I hate that the MAHA morons are on this bandwagon," agreed Bluesky user Charles Xavier Van Damme.

"'Is the king's diaper leaking? No, must be that the courtiers are all eating sauerkraut,'" joked social psychology professor Roger Giner-Sorolla.

"It’s all so grotesque," replied Bluesky user Cynthia Nevil.

"Jesus. Imagine if you had a doctor that talked about his patients this way," cringed writer and video maker David Rheinstrom. "From the article, the MD who recommends this diet: 'I tend to like to work with older people because the ROI is so much greater…. it’s like taking over a sinking ship, a company that is headed to bankruptcy,' O’Mara said."

"Friend was 101st Airborne & talked about some guys who ate kimchi frequently who were not allowed to lead morning runs anymore after gassing the whole squad repeatedly," recalled Bluesky user Jeff (no, the showme showme showme how you do that trick one). "At least they were outside in fresh air though."

"Sauerkraut is great don't let the worst people in the world make you think otherwise," urged writer Marc Normandin.

"Gotta say it’s funny that these people’s ramshackle king has the diet of an 8 year old," laughed attorney Raffi Melkonian.

"I like sauerkraut as much as the next person, but 'swearing by a diet of it' sounds kind of kooky," puzzled economist Patrick Chovanec.

"[Four of the ugliest d---bags you’ve ever seen farting so hard the curtains billow] here’s how to be pretty like us," imagined popular Bluesky user Bum Chillups.

"How is this not 'The Onion?'" wondered Bluesky user Mary Nasca. "Our HHS Secretary thinks sauerkraut has cured his atrial fibrillation."

"This is what I mean when I say RFK should be considered the GOP frontrunner for 2028," opined The Onion owner Ben Collins. "The base needs a non-embarrassing, inheritable cult and Evil Dr. Spaceman over here has the vice president exclusively eating the ingredients to a fart. Nobody else has got that Jim Jones juice."